What Do I Do With Me

Those who live in the past become depressed. Those who live for the future become anxious. It is only by living in the here and now, in this moment – today, that we can make the changes needed to correct the past, impact the present, and chart our course for the future.

The following are some ideas to help you become more successful in living life successfully today.

Defeat is not Failure. There is a big difference between being knowing you were defeated and being a failure. Acknowledging defeat is an acknowledgment of the result of an action (or inaction) on your part.

If you were defeated in your family court case, you will want to review that defeat with your local support group, paralegal, or attorney. The obvious reason for the review is to close up any loopholes which may have crept into your case. However, you also need to understand and accept the fact that even if you presented a 100% pure factual case, you were only one-third (1/3) of the total process.

The other party and their attorney were the second one-third (1/3), and the judge is the final one-third (1/3). And remember, the judge lacks any significant training in family dynamics, family systems, an family rules and rituals. They do not have the time to learn about your family during the family court process. As humans, judge’s come to the bench complete with their own agenda’s, bias’s, and prejudice’s based on their life experiences–not based on any knowledge about your family. As you can see, in many cases, if not most cases, you were already down by two strikes when you walked into the courtroom.

Again, if you were defeated in your family court case, you will want to review that defeat with your local support group, paralegal, or attorney to close up any loopholes which may have crept into your case.

Defeat is usually the result of actions or inactions: yours, your attorney’s, the other party, the other party’s attorney, and the biases and prejudices of the judges. Failure on the other hand is a feeling, an emotion. It is who you are, not what you have or have not done. You will not always have control over the defeats in life; however, you do have 100% control over whether or not you are a failure.

Therefore, I encourage you to use defeats as an opportunity to sharpen your skills, your instincts, and your talents. Get rid of any feelings of failure, the will become toxic to your case.

With over 30 years of experience, I have notice one clear truth: Perseverance is many times the difference between success and defeat. Perseverance is remaining true to your goals, values, and morals, in the face of all obstacles. I have had numerous clients who have had enough, emotionally and financially, they are totally spent. I understand them and I have no condemnation of them.
However, I also have had many clients who have persevered, against almost all odds, to finally be rewarded for that persistence. Their tenacity in pursuing what they believe to be right, was what allowed them to be successful. They ran true to my life motto:

“I would rather be criticized for doing that which I know to be right,
than to be praised for doing that which I know to be wrong.”

This time of living and being alone is a time when you can make decisions not only about what is happening right now, but also about your future. Your family reorganization and restructuring process is also an opportunity for you to reorganize and restructure your life as well.

Take this time to review your life goals, desires, wants, and needs. Then take action to make this new life for yourself. As Henry Ford said:

“Think you can, or think you can’t, either way you will be right.”

There are other things you need to do for yourself as well, such as join clubs, go golfing, fishing, or dancing, take up bowling–in short, be active and socialize. You are not a leper, you are simply a person who has been through a very stressful transition in life and have learned many of life’s lessons going through that transition.

Now that you are single again, you can open your mind to new possibilities, to have new experiences, to grow as a person, and to learn a whole new way of living. Remember, the only change you have control over is to change yourself, and that change will occur when you are ready.

And when you are ready for that change to occur, you will have the time–so take the time–to see the opportunities at every new turn in your new life.

You may be filled with fear of intimacy, fear of being worthy, fear of being successful in a new relationship; however, if you honestly confront your fears and change your thinking, your behaviors will follow. When my father-in-law passed away recently, many papers were found among his belongings. On one such paper was written the following:

“If you throw your head over the bar, your body will follow.”

To paraphrase my father’s-in-law motto: Throw yourself into your new life, your body, mind, and spirit will follow…eventually. And remember, when your behavior changes, it is inevitable the behavior of those around you will change as well.