Guidelines for Success in a Collaborative Process

The following Guidelines for Success in a Collaborative Process are given to each client. These guidelines are used to encourage and facilitate success in the collaborative divorce process.

1. Address the problems and concerns at hand. Do not disparage others.

2. Express yourself in terms of wants, needs, interests, concerns, and the desired outcomes you would like to realize.

3. Be willing to commit the time required to meet regularly. Come prepared for each meeting.

4. Be patient. Delays in the process can happen. It is important to act in good faith on all issues including any delays.

5. Work for what you believe is the most constructive and equitable agreement for you and your family.

6. Listen without interrupting when others are speaking. You will have a full opportunity to speak on each issue presented for discussion.

7. Use non-inflammatory words.

8. Be respectful.

9. Avoid using language that blames or finds fault with others.

10. Do not verbally attack others.

11. Speak for yourself (usually best by using “I” statements). Use first names, avoid “he” and “she” words.

12. If you have a complaint, word it in the form of a “concern” you have. Then follow your “concern” with a constructive suggestion how it might be resolved.

13. If something is not working for you, tell your coach and/or attorney so the issue can be resolved as soon as possible.

14. Listen carefully and try to understand what is being said without being judgmental about the person or the message being presented.

15. Talk with your attorney and/or coach about anything you do not clearly understand. Your attorney and/or coach are here to clarify issues for you.