Dealing With Your Feelings Around Your Children

Recuperating from the adversarial family court procedures and processes is essential. You will be consumed by concerns for your future, your children’s future, finances, emotions of anger, rage, hurt and frustration. One of the paramount concerns will be your role as protector, you will be unable to protect your children from the ravages of the adversarial process (which mandates you and the other parent must destroy the other at all costs). It is during the middle of this war that your children will need you the most.

You will be very busy trying to keep your job, staying involved in the adversarial court process which will dictate your future, and yet also have time to take care of your children’s emotional needs. Family court will be exhausting for both you and your children. However, it is very important to remember your children still need your guidance, your reassurance, your protection and your support.
Your behavior will have a great influence on the emotional adjustment of your children – the way you feel about yourself will affect the way they feel about themselves. The way you cope with your family’s reorganization will in large part determine how your children cope with it. You will need to be considerate of your children’s needs and try to understand the breakup from their perspective. If you do, you will be able to see the most important issue for you to do is to remove your children from the center of any parental conflicts.

I believe the best way to remove your children from the center of any parental conflicts is for YOU to use the experience of the family reorganization as an opportunity for personal growth and understanding – not anger, depression or revenge. By allowing yourself space for personal growth and understanding, you can continue to be effective as a parent and not only meet your child’s needs, but your own needs as well.

You personal growth and understanding, your effective parenting, meeting your children’s needs, and even taking care of your own needs, all of these will accelerate the healing process for both you and your children.